Solve Parenting Differences

The way people parent is often directly related to their own childhood experiences. When 2 people with different backgrounds are raising children together, it can be difficult to agree on the best way to parent all the time. Conflicts in how you parent are not unusual. Deciding who is right and who is wrong is not important at all. What is important is resolving the difference and setting a good example for your kids. Solve parenting differences by communicating about them when you are alone, accepting each party’s parenting style, utilizing each parent’s strengths and getting help from experts when necessary.

[Edit]Steps

1. Communicate with your spouse or partner. Talk about your differences when you are alone. Arguing in front of your kids about parenting issues will frighten them, set a bad example and possibly encourage them to choose sides.
   • Focus on finding a solution. Remember that most differences are not about one parent being right and the other being wrong. The most important result should be a solution that everyone is comfortable with.
     
   • Decide how important this issue is. Agreeing on a bedtime for your toddler may not be as terrifying as deciding whether your teen should be allowed to date. Perspective will help you both figure out how to move forward.
     
2. Find ways to compromise. If your parenting views are not extremely different, there might be some middle ground you can find.
   
3. Pay attention to how your children respond to your parenting. You can find a resolution to your differences if it is obvious that a child reacts better to boundaries or being able to talk about his or her feelings.
   
4. Acknowledge each other’s strengths. Perhaps one parent is better at discipline or at redirecting disruptive behavior.
   
   • Appreciate each other. Understand that having different views and parenting styles can be positive for your children.
5. Remain flexible and positive. Try to see the other parent’s perspective. Listen to each other and validate each opinion.
   
6. Seek professional help. Turn to your support network and look for advice from experts when necessary.
   • Talk to other parents. Your close friends and family members may have found themselves in a similar situation and can provide insight and advice.
     
   • Make an appointment with a therapist or family counselor if you need extra support. This is especially useful if one parent experienced a difficult childhood of his or her own, or if the parenting differences may be a symptom of larger problems in your relationship.
     
   • Read parenting books, magazines and newsletters. You can also attend parenting workshops and classes to help you manage parenting differences and improve your communication and problem solving skills.
     
7. Set a good example for your children. This is a good opportunity to demonstrate the merits of conflict management.
   
   • Explain that important decisions are sometimes difficult, and take time to work out.

[Edit]Tips

• Remember that divorced parents can still work together to provide consistent and safe parenting for their children. Talk to your former spouse regularly about your children’s development and behavior, including any particular challenges or issues that require special attention.
• Remember that safety always comes first. The emotional and physical health of your children is more important than any parenting differences you may be trying to work out. Make sure nothing you do or agree to will cause harm. If one parent becomes physically violent during arguments, seek help immediately.

[Edit]Warnings

• Do not look for your children to choose sides, and do not avoid your parenting responsibilities in order to win your child’s affection.

[Edit]References

• http://www.counsel-search.com/articles/marriage-family-counseling_761.htm
• http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/parenting/06/15/par.daddy.difference/index.html